Resentment lingers. Resentment gets under our skin. Resentment makes us feel stuck. Resentment is that residual shit that can stick around waaaayyy too long if we're not careful. Resentment is a normal, natural human feeling. We all have it. I've certainly felt it before!
But the most important thing to do when dealing with resentment is identify it, work through it and release it. The more we hold on to resentment, the bigger and deeper it grows. It becomes a burden and makes it harder for us to reach our true potential...in our careers, relationships, happiness, love.
Who wants to deal with any of that? "Not I," said the Little Red Hen. (<< I'm a dork.)
Anyways, it occurred to me the other day that there are two forms of resentment. Yes, two.
Resentment #1: Resentment toward the thing/person/job/object that is keeping you from following your heart and doing what your intuition is telling (read: YELLING) at you to do. Basically, Resentment #1 is the external object/person to whom your resentment is directed.
Resentment #2: Resentment toward yourself. Yes, your own self. Not many people think about this one. But by not trusting and following your intuition, you are not honoring yourself or your feelings. You are not honoring what your heart is telling you and instead, you are pushing that invaluable inner-voice away. By doing so, you are telling your mind and body that you don’t respect and honor what it has to say. This creates a quieter, but certainly deeper, form of resentment. One that usually crops up via emotional outbursts, negativity, lack of self-care and self-love and dis-ease…
Logically and “on-paper” following your dreams and gut feelings can sometimes be irrational and seemingly unachievable. Or you feel like you’ve made a commitment to someone/something and you can’t get away from it. You’ll feel too guilty if you "quit,” even though your body and mind is aching for you to follow a different path... Honor those feelings of commitment and thank them for being there. But then remind yourself that the one-and-only true commitment you have is to yourself, your happiness and your life. This is YOUR life. Not your parent’s, not your boss’s, not your friend’s, not society’s. YOURS. Listen to those voices inside you. And when you try to beat your inner voice down with logic, ask yourself, “Whose voice is this?” Most of the time, I’ll guarantee, it’s not yours. Is it your parents’? Your friends? Mr/Mrs. Social Norm?
If you’re not honoring your feelings and your life’s calling, you’re not honoring yourself. If you want to be the best you can be, make the biggest difference in this world, be the person shining and giving light to others…you have to have that shining light coming from within yourself first. You have to be (truly) happy and fulfilled (or on your way to be) before you can make others happy. End of story.
For example, if you got your degree in Engineering, are working at a firm and it's not bringing your joy, but have always had a passion for baking and a dream to own your own bakery…do something about it. Start listening to those inner voices and intuition, start journaling and finding exactly what it is that you want. Then start making a financial plan, or something more on the “logical” side, to make it happen. Will your family/friends/significant other/etc. think you’re crazy and irresponsible? Maybe. Maybe not. If they are trying to hold you back, it’s usually because you’re mirroring back to them what they never had the guts to do: follow their dreams. Remember, no matter how tough and confusing the journey may be and how unsupported and alone you may feel at certain points, you will ALWAYS find the strength and support you need within yourself (and the Universe, but I don't want to sound too airy-fairy.) Things seem to click when you tune into your body's voice and purpose.
Your family and friends will come around, especially when they see how happy and successful you truly are because you followed your gut. They always do. And besides, you’ll make a lot of new, like-minded friends at that bakery you’re interning at ;)
I understand there are a million more factors going into "following your dreams" and making changes in your life to reflect that...responsibility to your family, your financial situation, etc., but even baby steps toward your dream and releasing that resentment will do wonders for your happiness.
When my mind and intuition are having a smack-down, here's what I tend to journal about:
- How do I want to feel? Which path and/or opportunity makes me feel that way?
- What are the pros and cons of each situation, path or opportunity?
- If you had no attachments to anyone or anything in this world, if there was no one to judge you, give you an opinion or approve/disapprove of your decision, what would you choose to do? (I know, I know, crappy scenario, but this question REALLY hit-home with me when I was going through some major decision making in my life. The question was basically asking, What Would Lindsey Do? There were no other voices in my head, except my own.)
It may take some time to release resentment, but the first and most positive step you can take is identifying it and understanding why it's there and where it came from. Then figure out ways that you can release this resentment. You'll feel freer, lighter, happier and more in-tune with your path than ever before.
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