Finding Yourself: It's An Inside Job

I have a chronic fear of being stuck. As in, this (relationship, career, home, job, city, environment) is sucking my soul and how will I ever get out of it?

Up until "adulthood" (aka post-graduate life), most of us live in the distinct time frame of a school year. Semesters, quarters, summer breaks...if a class is miserable, you know you'll be done with it in December. If your roommate and apartment suck, you know you can move at the end of the semester. The chapters are short. There is always an end date.

But after graduation, at least for me, it was a wide-open expansive land of time and I guess it freaked me out more than I thought. I'm always afraid of being "stuck."

Physically, in a relationship, a career, a city, in a certain environment. It's not fear of commitment. Hell, I'll 150% commit to something I believe in and if I think it's a good thing. But it's "stuck" in the sense of believing there is no way out of a situation that drains me of energy, positivity, passion and strength. A stagnant, negative relationship. A energy draining, anxiety-filled job. Scares the crap out of me if I ever think of getting stuck in either of those things.

But at the same time I have to laugh at myself. If I ever got myself in those situations, I get the hell out. I'm just that kind of person.

So what am I afraid of?

Being vulnerable enough to stay put for more than 6-months and see what happens? Being at peace and open to whatever the Universe brings me, whether that's tomorrow or in 5 months? Currently, there is no end date to anything I'm doing. I'm fortunate to I love all that I'm doing now and where I live (yes, the car situation in SF sucks and I miss my sunny home and family in San Diego), but overall, it's pretty darn dandy.

It's the no-end-date lifestyle that I need to get used to. In the past, I probably forced those end dates a little too soon and a little too often. I would get restless and scared that I wasn't going anywhere or that I didn't know what I wanted to do...so I would try and solve that by moving. Again.

I feel as though part of my restlessness is coming from the false sense of security I get when I move to a different city or job or apartment. I think that by picking up and moving, everything will be figured out. I'll have left my problems and emotional angst in the last city. I'll be in the right place...finally. I'll find my true purpose...finally. 

But it doesn't work like that.

I realize that when I have those emotions to pick up and leave, to travel and explore (if I got a dollar for all the times I went on Hipmunk to find the cheapest plane ticket to Spain, I could pay for the damn ticket), it's because I'm outwardly searching for answers I can only find on the inside. It's a sign that I need to explore inwardly to find what I'm attempting to discover while on those daring, romantic adventures. I need to explore what is currently and presently surrounding me. Be present and real with it in that moment.

I'm where I am for a reason. The Universe is giving me all the tools to "find myself" right where I am. So by drastically shifting and moving my environment to "find myself," I prolong the whole experience. Because finding yourself isn't really a destination. It's an everyday journey that we're continually on. Yes, I believe one day we can discover our higher purposes and innate reason for being, but until then, finding ourself is being present with ourself. Where we are in that moment.

So as romantic as it sounds to "find myself" in a small cafe at the end of a winding cobblestone street in Italy or on a sunny beach in Greece...I'm not going to find myself any more than I would at the coffee shop down my street. Certainly, I can have grand discoveries or epiphanies or light-bulb moments while in those dreamy places, but it's not going to lead me any closer to that forever elusive thing I'm trying to find.

Maybe if I stop searching, I won't need to find anything. The answers are always here anyways.

Kick off December the right (and healthy) way! My weekend of creating free programs, watching Twilight and listening to Michale Bublé.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and happy (almost) December! 

As a self-proclaimed Christmas whore, I get such joy out of Christmas trees, lights and decorations, the crisp "winter" air, listening to Christmas music (can I please sing the "White Christmas" duet with Michael Bublé?!?)...ahhh. Love it. 

Anyhoo, this past Thanksgiving weekend was awesome. I had the apartment to myself for 4 days and between seeing friends and running the occasional errands, I basically made it into a mini-vacation. Lots of Christmas music and wine, I watched the entire Twilight series, gave Pearl wayyy too much attention and didn't leave the apartment (or change out of my pajamas) until late afternoon some days...

But beyond my seemingly lazy weekend, I was productive AS HELL. Kicked it into high gear when it came to creating and starting some groups and programs that I'm really passionate about. Until now, they were just little ideas in my brain. But this weekend, I had the brain space, inspiration and general ballsiness to actually START them. And I. am. so. excited. Being proactive = one of the recipes for happiness. 

I wanted to give you a little more information about my groups! 

I have a Free 5-Day Clean Eating Group (more info under the "Clean Eats" tab) that I host the first week of every month. You receive a grocery list, meal plans and recipes for every day and support through a private Facebook group. I always add some bonus videos and nutrition information as well ;) Click here to learn more and sign up for my next one!

I also started a "21 Days of Gratitude" Group (more info and a FREE Gratitude Guide under the "21 Days of Gratitude" tab). I was inspired by Marie Forleo's TV episode about re-vamping your gratitude list...it got me thinking. I want to create a structured group where people I could put the spark back into their gratitude practice (or start one) and be uplifted by a positive community. Even if you journal all the time, you'll want to try out this new twist to your gratitude list. Any and all are welcome to join and there are more details on the group page. I'll also post some positive tasks or "happy hacks" every so often. You can do the challenge for the 21 days or, if you enjoy the group, you can stay as long as you want. 

I'm super excited about both these groups. The women in my 5-day clean eating group haven't even technically started and I can already tell it's going to be an awesome, supportive group. So much fun! If you have any questions about these groups or how they could be a positive addition to your life, you are welcome to email me at: theglowstickdiaries@gmail.com

Alright, it's time to head home, make dinner, food prep for the week and give my spoiled bird more attention. Ciao for now <3