Finding Yourself: It's An Inside Job

I have a chronic fear of being stuck. As in, this (relationship, career, home, job, city, environment) is sucking my soul and how will I ever get out of it?

Up until "adulthood" (aka post-graduate life), most of us live in the distinct time frame of a school year. Semesters, quarters, summer breaks...if a class is miserable, you know you'll be done with it in December. If your roommate and apartment suck, you know you can move at the end of the semester. The chapters are short. There is always an end date.

But after graduation, at least for me, it was a wide-open expansive land of time and I guess it freaked me out more than I thought. I'm always afraid of being "stuck."

Physically, in a relationship, a career, a city, in a certain environment. It's not fear of commitment. Hell, I'll 150% commit to something I believe in and if I think it's a good thing. But it's "stuck" in the sense of believing there is no way out of a situation that drains me of energy, positivity, passion and strength. A stagnant, negative relationship. A energy draining, anxiety-filled job. Scares the crap out of me if I ever think of getting stuck in either of those things.

But at the same time I have to laugh at myself. If I ever got myself in those situations, I get the hell out. I'm just that kind of person.

So what am I afraid of?

Being vulnerable enough to stay put for more than 6-months and see what happens? Being at peace and open to whatever the Universe brings me, whether that's tomorrow or in 5 months? Currently, there is no end date to anything I'm doing. I'm fortunate to I love all that I'm doing now and where I live (yes, the car situation in SF sucks and I miss my sunny home and family in San Diego), but overall, it's pretty darn dandy.

It's the no-end-date lifestyle that I need to get used to. In the past, I probably forced those end dates a little too soon and a little too often. I would get restless and scared that I wasn't going anywhere or that I didn't know what I wanted to do...so I would try and solve that by moving. Again.

I feel as though part of my restlessness is coming from the false sense of security I get when I move to a different city or job or apartment. I think that by picking up and moving, everything will be figured out. I'll have left my problems and emotional angst in the last city. I'll be in the right place...finally. I'll find my true purpose...finally. 

But it doesn't work like that.

I realize that when I have those emotions to pick up and leave, to travel and explore (if I got a dollar for all the times I went on Hipmunk to find the cheapest plane ticket to Spain, I could pay for the damn ticket), it's because I'm outwardly searching for answers I can only find on the inside. It's a sign that I need to explore inwardly to find what I'm attempting to discover while on those daring, romantic adventures. I need to explore what is currently and presently surrounding me. Be present and real with it in that moment.

I'm where I am for a reason. The Universe is giving me all the tools to "find myself" right where I am. So by drastically shifting and moving my environment to "find myself," I prolong the whole experience. Because finding yourself isn't really a destination. It's an everyday journey that we're continually on. Yes, I believe one day we can discover our higher purposes and innate reason for being, but until then, finding ourself is being present with ourself. Where we are in that moment.

So as romantic as it sounds to "find myself" in a small cafe at the end of a winding cobblestone street in Italy or on a sunny beach in Greece...I'm not going to find myself any more than I would at the coffee shop down my street. Certainly, I can have grand discoveries or epiphanies or light-bulb moments while in those dreamy places, but it's not going to lead me any closer to that forever elusive thing I'm trying to find.

Maybe if I stop searching, I won't need to find anything. The answers are always here anyways.

Let Go of Perfect

My vlog topic today: Perfection. 

How our idea and definition of "perfect" or "perfection," can be really limiting. 

For me personally, I tend to not post videos or blogs because I don't think they're "perfect" enough. Or I don't look "good enough" to post a video. I'm too embarrassed. Or I'm afraid that my idea isn't be "perfect" enough to be shared. Hell, it keeps me from wearing certain clothes sometimes because I don't think my body looks "perfect" or "good enough" to wear it. 

But I don't think I'm the only one being held back by that unattainable ideal of "perfect." It's ok for us to want things to be polished, professional, well-thought out, etc...but when it comes to us limiting or holding ourselves back because we're waiting for ourselves or something external to be "perfect"....Eff no. Let it go. Release it. 

So this video (far from my idea of "perfect") is me standing up to my standard of perfect when it comes to my writing and sharing of ideas. Shit, the video doesn't even fill up the entire YouTube screen ;) 

Enjoy! I'd love to hear any thoughts/ideas on this topic!

P.S. Since making this video I have found out my "temporary" living situation will now be my "permanent" living situation. Huzzah! 

3 Self-Love Affirmations

What is leading your life, courage or fear?

Do you make decisions based on fear or empowerment? Daily decisions. Weekly decisions. Monthly and yearly decisions. Decisions about the future. Are those decisions based on fear and “what could go wrong?” or are they based on positive thinking, courage and what could be “new and great?”

It’s a powerful question if you want to take the time to think about it. 

When you allow your actions and decisions to be made from a place of fear and unease, the chances of moving forward or changing a current (possibly negative) situation are slim to none. Making decisions from a place of doubt will only keep you on the same path. It is difficult to move forward without the support of an encouraging and empowered mindset. 

Just think about it. Where do your decisions come from? Fear and doubt or positivity and power?

It can be scary to make decisions from a place of courage, faith and positive thinking. That requires a lot of trust. Trust in yourself, trust in the world, trust in  your predominant faith/belief system. It’s sometimes easier to stay inside your comfort zone, even when that comfort zone is made up of discomfort and unhappiness. 

But…change and development occur when you make decisions and act upon the idea of “what could go right,” rather than “what could go wrong.”

Powerful change, in fact. 

When you allow yourself to listen to your intuition, your gut, your body, and yours alone, you have empowered yourself with the knowledge of what is truly right for you. Once you tap into that inner guidance, that inner glow stick, making decisions from a place of empowerment and trust become much easier. 

When that inner wisdom becomes the leader in your life, it’s easier to find the courage to take action, make change and exude positive energy. 

It’s easier to take that “leap of faith” when you were too timid to do so before. 

Your “what could go wrong?” has turned into “what could go right?” and your mindset and actions are driven by empowerment. (Which, let’s be honest, makes you feel like one BAMF. Think kicking down a door and making a grand entrance into your new life that you’ve had the power and courage to create. BAM.)

And when I say “new life,” it doesn’t have to be a new job in a new city with a new group of friends…it can be as simple as cultivating a more positive mindset, a shift in attitude or a commitment to practice more self-care and self-love. 

When actions and decisions are led from a place of courage and positive energy, you become closer to discovering, creating and enjoying the life you want. When you live life from a place of fear and “settling” because it’s become comfortable, you may never realize your true potential. 

Begin to consciously shift your mindset and make more decisions based on courage, trust and empowerment. Let your faith be bigger than your fears…and a world you never knew existed will open up to you. 

Try this: the next time you are faced with a decision, and you find yourself responding based on fear or wanting to stay in your comfort zone, take a step back and pause. Take a deep breath and choose the decision/action/path that will challenge you and one that requires a little more trust and faith to carry out. You’ll feel like you just jumped off a ledge without a parachute, but don’t worry, you won’t fall too far before you begin to soar. 

(Btw, for those who have lived in a cave their entire life: “BAMF” = Bad Ass Mother Fucker)

The Best Piece of Advice (ever): “Pursue Everything”

The other night I struggled to fall asleep. Mindless complications in my personal life (i.e. boys/friends/work/writing/work opportunities/pet unicorns) left my brain buzzing and my eyes wide open.

None of it was necessarily bad, it just felt like I had my thoughts and emotions scattered down about 30 different paths. Different scenarios, different ideas, different thoughts, different feelings. Getting caught up in the dizzying, yet so addicting, habit of running “future scenarios” in my head. If I focused on this in my life…If I became closer to this person…If I pursued this interest and passion of mine…should I go to the gym tomorrow…why is Simon Baker married…this is what I’m going to say to this person if this happens…Lindsey. Yes? Shut up. Ok…. It. went. on. and. on.

Finally, I was beginning to drift off to sleep, managing to find comfort in the most awkward and ridiculous sleeping position ever (I mean, it was like I was doing a pirouette move in my sleep), but then…

Ding Ding. 

My phone alerted me of a new text message. It was midnight and I had to get up early the next morning. Thank God I live alone because some version of this came out of my mouth:

“WHO THE FUCK JUST TEXTED ME.”

I looked at my phone and saw a short message from a person and situation that I assumed had already had a natural ending… It was sweet, but it began a whole new wave of thoughts, questions and “what ifs” in my mind. And now my thoughts were going in 50 directions instead.

Everything became a cluster monkey in my brain and I literally started laughing out loud (again, grateful I live alone) because of the drama that I felt was surrounding my existence at that moment. (A dramatic, ego-centric thought in itself, I’m sure, but still.)

Per usual, I emailed my mom for her advice. Updating her on the different situations, problems, etc. I was essentially asking her “WTF should I do about this situation, this person, that whole thing… Mom, all I really want right now is to be paid to write and do theatre and find a way to marry Simon Baker.” (<< actual quote from my email, I kid you not.)

I sent a text back. And once the email was sent to my mother as well, my mind still continued to run its course. But like my physical body, after about one mile of “running” it began to sputter, slow down, collapse, face plant and fall asleep.

I woke up the next morning, unsure of why I felt so groggy (and, let’s face it, unsure of why the hell my alarm was going off). Then I remembered my hamster in its wheel act from the night before and I became sort of bug-eyed remembering everything that happened.

I checked my email, hoping the iPhone screen would semi wake me up. I smiled at my “Note from the Universe” and then clicked on the email my mother had sent back (thank God) with what was sure to be solid advice in what path to take, what situation/person to release from my life, what to move forward with, etc…

But her email started like this:

“Pursue everything!” 

WAT.

“Pursue everything!”

LOL. Wat.

She went on with a list of all that I should pursue…every situation, person, job idea, scenario and dream that I had asked her about the night before….I should pursue everything. Although thinking back, she never specifically said anything about the Simon Baker situation. Hmm.

Anyways, it hadn’t even occurred to me to simply “pursue everything.” I’m Lindsey and my life thrives on structure, routine and fairly solid understanding of which direction I am going.

I expected an answer that would help clarify what I should pursue, which path to take and what to release in my life. In other words, I was expecting advice that would ultimately lead to limitations, boundaries and closed opportunities.

But…why would I do that? I have no idea what will happen in the future and since none of these things on my mind were necessarily toxic to my daily and personal life, why shouldn’t I pursue each direction? Those that are meant to stay and/or teach a lesson will stick around and those that are not meant to be in my life will have a natural, organic ending.

“Pursue everything.”

What an awesome piece of effing advice.

So, I encourage you…rather than try to puzzle out your life, whether it’s with relationships, friendships, career opportunities, hobbies and passions, and restrict yourself to one path in particular, try it all. As long as something isn’t toxic, weighing heavy on your heart or bringing you or your dreams down, PURSUE IT. Putting your brain in over-drive imagining and thinking of future outcomes of different situations/people/opportunities in your life is exhausting and, in my case, causes sleep deprivation.

Release that notion that there is only one “right” answer or path to pursue. Try it all. Test all the waters. Give it all a shot. Why not? If someone or something is meant to be, the Universe will figure it out for you, not your logical brain (as lovely as its intentions are sometimes). Opening up to multiple opportunities, rather than limiting yourself to one or a few, will let so much more positive energy and opportunity flow into your life.

And with that all said and done, I’m going to finish my wine and head to bed. Mind free and clear from worrying about which path I should pursue. Because right now, I’m tryin’ it all.

Relationships: Why You Need to Fulfill Your Life First

OK, #realtalk guys and gals. Relationships.

Let’s cut to the chase...

You’ve got to be a whole, complete and happy person from the inside out before you should responsibly get into a relationship. You shouldn't have to depend on a relationship or a person to make you happy and fulfill your life. Your life should already be full and fulfilled with your own joys, happiness and activities, and a relationship should be a wonderful addition to all of that.

If you enter a relationship with the idea of the significant other filling a void in your life and being the “thing” that will make you happy: RED FLAG. You’re setting yourself up to become dependent on the other person, dependent on their happiness and dependent on their opinion of you to make you happy. That won't work. You have to fill your “life-cup” up to the brim with your own strength and happiness and then have the relationship as the thing that maketh your cup overfloweth. (Or whatever the hell that saying is.)

Make your own field of flowers, filled with ponies and unicorns dancing with fairies...and then think of a relationship. The funny thing is, when you’re so fulfilled and confident with your own life as it is, you aren't busy thinking about relationships and love until it endearingly smacks you in the face. You weren’t searching for it, but there it is. What a happy little surprise.

So, work and focus on YOU. Enjoy your life, create your dreams, pursue your passions and fill any voids you feel from the inside out. That way, when a relationship comes along, it  doesn’t have any room to sneak under your skin or fill up any of those voids. Because when a relationship is used to fill a void in your life, the second that relationship gets toxic, or should I say, the second you realize that relationship is toxic, it’s a hell of a lot harder to break free from it.

This may be a disgusting image comparison, but I see a relationship filling a void in your life like dirt and grime fills up your pores in your face. You have to wash, exfoliate, French clay, honey mask the shit out of it in order to get it gone. But if your skin was healthy and supple to begin with, dat grime would have a lot harder of a time sneaking in. (I know I know, who has perfect skin like that? Not many people, but you get what I’m trying to say.)

So ladies and gents, YOU need to fulfill your life before anyone else can. Okey dokey?

Now, go write three things that you like about yourself and three things that YOU love, want to do and create in your life...and then go start doing it.  (:

Truth #1

I’ve officially at the age where if I’m checking out a guy, part of that routine includes looking at his ring finger. FML. #imgettingold