Finding Yourself: It's An Inside Job

I have a chronic fear of being stuck. As in, this (relationship, career, home, job, city, environment) is sucking my soul and how will I ever get out of it?

Up until "adulthood" (aka post-graduate life), most of us live in the distinct time frame of a school year. Semesters, quarters, summer breaks...if a class is miserable, you know you'll be done with it in December. If your roommate and apartment suck, you know you can move at the end of the semester. The chapters are short. There is always an end date.

But after graduation, at least for me, it was a wide-open expansive land of time and I guess it freaked me out more than I thought. I'm always afraid of being "stuck."

Physically, in a relationship, a career, a city, in a certain environment. It's not fear of commitment. Hell, I'll 150% commit to something I believe in and if I think it's a good thing. But it's "stuck" in the sense of believing there is no way out of a situation that drains me of energy, positivity, passion and strength. A stagnant, negative relationship. A energy draining, anxiety-filled job. Scares the crap out of me if I ever think of getting stuck in either of those things.

But at the same time I have to laugh at myself. If I ever got myself in those situations, I get the hell out. I'm just that kind of person.

So what am I afraid of?

Being vulnerable enough to stay put for more than 6-months and see what happens? Being at peace and open to whatever the Universe brings me, whether that's tomorrow or in 5 months? Currently, there is no end date to anything I'm doing. I'm fortunate to I love all that I'm doing now and where I live (yes, the car situation in SF sucks and I miss my sunny home and family in San Diego), but overall, it's pretty darn dandy.

It's the no-end-date lifestyle that I need to get used to. In the past, I probably forced those end dates a little too soon and a little too often. I would get restless and scared that I wasn't going anywhere or that I didn't know what I wanted to do...so I would try and solve that by moving. Again.

I feel as though part of my restlessness is coming from the false sense of security I get when I move to a different city or job or apartment. I think that by picking up and moving, everything will be figured out. I'll have left my problems and emotional angst in the last city. I'll be in the right place...finally. I'll find my true purpose...finally. 

But it doesn't work like that.

I realize that when I have those emotions to pick up and leave, to travel and explore (if I got a dollar for all the times I went on Hipmunk to find the cheapest plane ticket to Spain, I could pay for the damn ticket), it's because I'm outwardly searching for answers I can only find on the inside. It's a sign that I need to explore inwardly to find what I'm attempting to discover while on those daring, romantic adventures. I need to explore what is currently and presently surrounding me. Be present and real with it in that moment.

I'm where I am for a reason. The Universe is giving me all the tools to "find myself" right where I am. So by drastically shifting and moving my environment to "find myself," I prolong the whole experience. Because finding yourself isn't really a destination. It's an everyday journey that we're continually on. Yes, I believe one day we can discover our higher purposes and innate reason for being, but until then, finding ourself is being present with ourself. Where we are in that moment.

So as romantic as it sounds to "find myself" in a small cafe at the end of a winding cobblestone street in Italy or on a sunny beach in Greece...I'm not going to find myself any more than I would at the coffee shop down my street. Certainly, I can have grand discoveries or epiphanies or light-bulb moments while in those dreamy places, but it's not going to lead me any closer to that forever elusive thing I'm trying to find.

Maybe if I stop searching, I won't need to find anything. The answers are always here anyways.

Happy hacks to brighten your day (and someone else's)

Burdened...in a slump...unmotivated...down...lacking energy and a spark...

Get outside yourself. 

Whether it’s a minor annoyance you can’t seem to shake off or dissatisfaction with your current job and/or financial situation, it can weigh heavy on your mind. And the more it’s on your mind, the more energy you give it. The more energy you give it, the more it grows. 

And grows. 

And grows. 

You are perfectly justified to feel annoyed, dissatisfied, or whatever else you may be feeling. You are human and those are human emotions. You DO, however, have a choice of how much you focus on those feelings and how much power you give them over your every day happiness. 

Sometimes there isn’t a quick, easy fix for those situations in your life. It may take a while to sort out and move forward. But by changing your mindset and being conscious of your attitude, you begin to take control of your happiness from the inside out. 

I know, I know, having a “positive attitude” doesn’t make your student loans disappear. It doesn’t conjure up a flashing arrow telling you what direction to go with your life. It doesn’t stop your co-worker from being an asshole. 

When you shift your mindset to one of gratitude and happiness, rather than burden and loss, the solutions and answers have a way of appearing before us. It’s like once The Universe sees us engaging and enjoying the present moment (aka what we have, rather than what we don’t have) it goes “POOF” and there is more clarity.  

Think of it this way: the more and more we sit and wallow in our negative emotions and “live less," we make our world smaller. We live in a continuous ball of dissatisfaction. When we begin to “get outside ourselves,” meaning we get outside of that circle of negative feelings, we free ourselves from the emotional burdens of our current situation. We are declaring to The Universe that we are not going to be held back by the Johnny Rainclouds, Annoying Annies (I'm hilarious) and the “what am I doing with my life?" emotions. 

How do you get outside yourself? By not focusing on yourself.

Here are some "happy hacks" to brighten your mood and someone else's: 

1. Buy the person behind you a coffee (or another appropriate beverage/food item)
2. If you see a penny on the ground tails-up, flip it over so it is heads-up, and the next person who sees it will see a “lucky penny” (Don’t give me any germaphobe crap for that one please)
3. Watch the news regularly (seriously, it will widen your awareness and consciousness beyond your own life)
4. If you’re getting sucked into Facebook or Pinterest or some other website, close it and go for a run. Do some yoga. Start doing sit-ups. Play with your dog. ANYTHING. Just get your body moving. 
5. If you’re walking or commuting somewhere, put your phone away. No music, no Instagram, nothing that takes you away from the present moment. (Honestly, it was SO much fun when I started doing my morning walks and bus commute to work without listening to music. I engaged with my surroundings. I listened to conversations on the bus. My world went from a tiny screen to expansive and socially rich in just 15 minutes.)
6. Make dinner with friends. Meet with them for a walk. TALK. ENGAGE. No technology allowed.
7. Smile and say hello to someone on the street. Sometimes there is nothing more encouraging than connecting with a stranger.
8. Volunteer at a non-profit, a school, a homeless shelter. Donate your time somewhere.
9. Wake up early and watch the sunrise. There is nothing more peaceful and enlightening than watching a new day begin. 
10. Journal. Whether you’re a writer or not, journal. Write your heart out. Anything and everything on your mind. Don’t filter what you’re saying to the piece of paper either. Let it flow…lots of discoveries will be made. Write on your computer or in an actual notebook. Delete/shred after if you’re afraid of someone reading it.  

I hope these “happy hacks” help if you’re ever in a slump one day or are just feeling burdened with seemingly impossible responsibilities and choices. Remember though, you are totally justified to feel any feelings you're having. Always. Respect what you are feeling, but don’t let it become an energy suck and vibrancy vacuum. 

I know I have a tendency to wallow in overwhelming feelings, bring myself down and get lost in the “what am I doing with my life…I can’t do that” emotions. When that happens, I shut my computer down, lace up my shoes and go for a run. I take a walk to the coffee shop. I smile and say hello to strangers. I get outside myself. Before I know it, it starts to become a habit. The things burdening me before become smaller when I engage with the simple, rewarding beauty of the present moment around me.

Kick Ass and Be Fierce

My mantra for the day <3

Journey Through the Chakras