Finding Yourself: It's An Inside Job

I have a chronic fear of being stuck. As in, this (relationship, career, home, job, city, environment) is sucking my soul and how will I ever get out of it?

Up until "adulthood" (aka post-graduate life), most of us live in the distinct time frame of a school year. Semesters, quarters, summer breaks...if a class is miserable, you know you'll be done with it in December. If your roommate and apartment suck, you know you can move at the end of the semester. The chapters are short. There is always an end date.

But after graduation, at least for me, it was a wide-open expansive land of time and I guess it freaked me out more than I thought. I'm always afraid of being "stuck."

Physically, in a relationship, a career, a city, in a certain environment. It's not fear of commitment. Hell, I'll 150% commit to something I believe in and if I think it's a good thing. But it's "stuck" in the sense of believing there is no way out of a situation that drains me of energy, positivity, passion and strength. A stagnant, negative relationship. A energy draining, anxiety-filled job. Scares the crap out of me if I ever think of getting stuck in either of those things.

But at the same time I have to laugh at myself. If I ever got myself in those situations, I get the hell out. I'm just that kind of person.

So what am I afraid of?

Being vulnerable enough to stay put for more than 6-months and see what happens? Being at peace and open to whatever the Universe brings me, whether that's tomorrow or in 5 months? Currently, there is no end date to anything I'm doing. I'm fortunate to I love all that I'm doing now and where I live (yes, the car situation in SF sucks and I miss my sunny home and family in San Diego), but overall, it's pretty darn dandy.

It's the no-end-date lifestyle that I need to get used to. In the past, I probably forced those end dates a little too soon and a little too often. I would get restless and scared that I wasn't going anywhere or that I didn't know what I wanted to do...so I would try and solve that by moving. Again.

I feel as though part of my restlessness is coming from the false sense of security I get when I move to a different city or job or apartment. I think that by picking up and moving, everything will be figured out. I'll have left my problems and emotional angst in the last city. I'll be in the right place...finally. I'll find my true purpose...finally. 

But it doesn't work like that.

I realize that when I have those emotions to pick up and leave, to travel and explore (if I got a dollar for all the times I went on Hipmunk to find the cheapest plane ticket to Spain, I could pay for the damn ticket), it's because I'm outwardly searching for answers I can only find on the inside. It's a sign that I need to explore inwardly to find what I'm attempting to discover while on those daring, romantic adventures. I need to explore what is currently and presently surrounding me. Be present and real with it in that moment.

I'm where I am for a reason. The Universe is giving me all the tools to "find myself" right where I am. So by drastically shifting and moving my environment to "find myself," I prolong the whole experience. Because finding yourself isn't really a destination. It's an everyday journey that we're continually on. Yes, I believe one day we can discover our higher purposes and innate reason for being, but until then, finding ourself is being present with ourself. Where we are in that moment.

So as romantic as it sounds to "find myself" in a small cafe at the end of a winding cobblestone street in Italy or on a sunny beach in Greece...I'm not going to find myself any more than I would at the coffee shop down my street. Certainly, I can have grand discoveries or epiphanies or light-bulb moments while in those dreamy places, but it's not going to lead me any closer to that forever elusive thing I'm trying to find.

Maybe if I stop searching, I won't need to find anything. The answers are always here anyways.

Why I Became A Health and Fitness Coach: My Story

I was encouraged by some friends and mentors to share my story into health and fitness coaching. I am very excited, proud (and scared) to share my story with you. I wish everyone their healthiest and happiest year yet. I am always here to support, help or inspire you in any way. 

Doing It: The Magic Behind Turning Your Thoughts Into Action

Taking chances. Just doing it. 

This usually requires taking a step outside our comfort zone. 

Buuuut, wouldn't it be easier if we could just tip-toe around what we really want in hopes that we get there anyways without having to take a leap of faith?

Alas, if only things really worked that way. So often we hide behind the safety of "thinking" about doing something, rather than just doing it. 

A good friend of mine sent me an email yesterday and wrote "I decided to stop thinking about doing things, and just start doing them." 

How beautiful is that? 

She was vulnerable enough to set aside whatever limiting mindset had been keeping those things simply as thoughts, and she just started doing. 

Actually doing it...that's the real magic. The things in your mind don't come to fruition by simply dreaming about how great they will be. (Although that would be lovely!) And the excuse of "I'm going to keep thinking about these ideas because I want them to be perfect before I share them" doesn't cut it either (*cough* Me. *cough*).

I was giddy with excitement for her. She took that step from "wouldn't it be great if..." to actually doing it. Huge. I've always believed, especially because I've seen this happen in my own life, when you start "going for it," that mindset becomes a habit. Once you realize that doing those things you are thinking about isn't causing an explosion or post-nasal drip...you keep doing them. It's empowering. Jumping into that next level or committing to that next chapter of your life is exciting! You begin to understand your own power and the power you have to shape your life. It wasn't that hard...you just had to take action and do it. 

Ok, ok, I know, it is easier said than done. So here are some things I've used to get me from thoughts to action. And its worked. 

1. "Whose voice is that?"

When you have a voice in your head that is negative or doubtful, questioning what you want and making you feel bad, know that it is NOT your true inner voice or wisdom. That negative voice is coming from someone or something else. Whenever I get a negative voice I ask, "whose voice is that?" Because that doubtful voice is never your own. It's your parents, family, friends, a societal standard, an article in a magazine, etc. Knowing that voice is not your own helps you disconnect from it and follow your gut more easily. (PS: If that negative voice ever comes back to revisit, even after you've realized it's not your own, greet it with a big hello and say "thank you, but you are not serving my higher purpose." Boom. Roasted.)

2. If you knew no one else in this world, what would you do? 

Ok, weird one, I know. And a little sad. But just roll with me here. Think about it...if you didn't feel like you had any commitments or obligations to anyone/anything else, if you were free from judgement, if you were the only person you had to please...what would you do? The first couple things that pop into your mind are usually what your intuition is telling you to do. They're usually things you want to do, but the little negative voice is holding you back. ...So release that negative voice.  

Always remember: "Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will." There is a difference between "not succeeding" and "failure." Failure is what happens when you don't even try in the first place. Not succeeding is when that thing you tried just didn't work out. And that's ok. You'll never know unless you try. 

Take that chance. DO it. Don't limit yourself to simply thinking about it. You could be thinking about it the rest of your life. So whether it's committing yourself to doing a 5-minute meditation every morning, going a week without coffee (God bless you), moving to a new city, switching careers, or releasing a relationship that is no longer serving you...you can do it. 

When you start doing what is in alignment with your heart and soul, you start bringing even more of your gifts into this world. And they are only gifts that you can give. 

The Six Most Powerful Words You Can Say To Yourself

"It's a good thing I'm me."

I will never forget the moment I said those words to myself. The profound effect those six simple words had on my mindset and the places it has given me the courage to go. 

I had just finished talking with my family about my plans (well, at that point they were more of a vague idea) of moving up to Napa Valley to work in hospitality. It was an uplifting and encouraging talk, but I still was overwhelmed at the prospect of doing something that involved such a radical change in my life. And the overwhelming emotions kicked my ego/mind into high-gear...and I began to tell myself I wasn't good enough to find a job in a new area, that I was making a mistake, etc. 

I went to the bathroom to pee and zen out (normal?) for a second. At that point, the thoughts swirling around my mind went something like this: You want to find out more about wine and hospitality Lindsey? Yeah, you and everyone else in that region. What makes you think you even have a chance of being successful at that? You're not any different from all those people. AND you have zero hospitality experience. LOL, REALLY? My mind continued this string of thoughts until I looked at myself in the mirror and a small, but strong voice came out of nowhere and said:

"Well, it's a good thing I'm me."

It almost felt like I had been slapped in the face or another person had said those words. But no...it was me. My inner voice and wisdom finally standing up to my mind and its bullying tendencies. 

I blinked and stared into the mirror. Rapidly feeling a sense of expansion and self-criticism being lifted from my shoulders. 

Of course I could do the move and get a job. I was me. I had the power to make it happen. As does everyone else. And if it didn't happen, then something better would come as a result of simply trying for it in the first place. What did I have to lose? 

And looking back, I have to laugh. Saying such self-empowering words to myself while looking in the mirror, when years before the mirror had been a source of such self-loathing and negativity. Using it to hate and pick apart my body, trying to fit some delusional expectation I had about the way I should look. It was my worst enemy for years, but now I looked at myself and felt empowerment, not inability and hatred. 

Since then, those 6 simple words began a profound shift in life. My mind, my ego, usually the home of self-doubt and criticism has slowly started joining the same team as my heart and inner wisdom. It's no longer a booming voice that drowns out my heart-induced feelings and inspirations. 

Now whenever I'm faced with a challenging situation or an important opportunity, I am being greeted by self-doubt less and less. Sure, it's still there and doesn't go away overnight. But by nurturing and loving that inner voice of mine, and allowing it the freedom and space to speak, it's become stronger. And that little, encouraging voice in my mind has given me the comfort and confidence to "go for it." To try for something I really want. In so many different aspects of my life.

Thoughts become things and that is certainly true when it comes to the conversations you have with yourself. Allow your inner wisdom and voice the space to speak and guide you. Greet that self-doubting ego with a big, respectful "hello!" but then gently remind it that you're going to focus on your intuitive voice instead. Because the more you fight the ego, the stronger it gets. 

Here's how I think of it: let your heart lead you and let your mind say, "Ok. Game Plan!" Because you do need both; your logical, analytical mind and your intuitive, dream-following heart...but when the two are at odds or if you are constantly led by one and not the other, life gets thrown out of balance. It's hard to move forward in a positive, inspiring way. When that happens to me, I just feel like I'm stuck. My heart is pushing on the gas pedal, but my mind still has the car in park because it's afraid and doubtful. 

Don't let you mind bully your body and inner wisdom. Begin to view your mind and intuition as being on the same team. So, the next time you're filled with self-doubt, go to the bathroom to pee and zen out, look at yourself in the mirror and say "It's a good thing I'm me." And then go conquer the world. 

What To Do With Negative Feedback (tequila-spiked lemonade anyone?)

The out-pouring of love and support I felt yesterday when my article was posted on Thought Catalogue was incredible. I am so grateful and thankful and feel SO beyond fortunate to have such encouragement and wonderful friends behind me as I move forward with this new venture. A sincere and heartfelt "thank you" to everyone; friends, family, acquaintances...it means so much to me and gives me even more fuel to keep doing what I'm doing.

That being said...haha, I made the amateur mistake today of flipping through the comment section of my article on Thought Catalogue today.

LOL. Wowsies.

There were the general, "very inspiring!" "great article!"

And my all-time favorite: "Good advice but not to be confused with, 'I can bang every person that I want, no matter who I am with.'"

And then there were the negative comments. Like, "ouch" kind of negative. Ranging from "this is a terrible article" and "a horrible piece of advice, as you obviously have a severe anxiety disorder" to some crazy troll Internet person who just lambasted me. It was almost deranged sounding...calling me derogatory names, tearing my writing apart...it was quite charming (not.)

I was skimming over this as I rode in the car (in the passenger seat Dad, don't worry) to the Marin Headlands and thankfully I had the sense to shut my phone off and put it away. I quieted for a minute and looked out the window as we drove across the Golden Gate Bridge. I felt a little sick, taken aback by the craziness of that one comment. I was able to shake it off quite quickly though and enjoy the rest of my afternoon. Especially the view from the Marin Headlands, I mean OMG gorgeous.

Our next stop was Stinson Beach, and as we relaxed in the on-and-off again sun I told my fellow adventurer what I had read and how I felt.

Honestly, I was glad it happened. I am the one entering the field where negative feedback and disagreement is 100% bound to happen. I'm setting myself up for it! And I know it. But on the flip side, there will be people who are hopefully inspired and motivated by what I write. I just want to help people, in any way I can, and those are the ones I want to reach. But it's not always going to be a bulls-eye every time.

I went on to tell him that not only was I glad it happened with the first article (I mean, let's just get this negative feedback going from square one and then it will never be a shocker again, haha!), but it also allowed me to toughen up my skin a bit for the upcoming journey.

Here were the two lessons I learned:

1. I will focus on the feedback, advice, constructive criticism and thoughts I receive from people I know and respect, and from those (strangers or not) who reach out to me in a respectful way. As someone said to me the first day I posted my YouTube video about this blog, "Don't invest energy pleasing the critics...it's a go-nowhere path." I now fully invest my energy, not in combating the critics, but in doing my best to reach as many people I can in a positive way.  
2. No more looking at the comments from my guest posts. Aha. Whether it's on the website/blog's Facebook page or the comment section itself, I believe it would be best overall to not review those sections. I am beyond open to criticism and feedback, but I think reading it on sites and blogs that are not my own, where it's not 100% my true audience, would be more detrimental than productive. Why expend that kind of energy? I'll focus on what my audience has to say on my blog and website. (Any other seasoned bloggers/writers have thoughts and feedback regarding this? :) ) 

Anyhoo. Sending love and gratitude to those who have given me encouragement and productive criticism. And now I'm off to go make lemonade, accidentally spiked with tequila, with those lemons I received today. Grateful for those lessons learned. 

Cheers! 

3 Self-Love Affirmations

Journey Through the Chakras