Meltdowns, Mascara and Organic Peanut Butter

I think we all have this expectation that when we have a meltdown, we’ll somehow look like the Disney princesses as they flawlessly toss their heads into their arms and do a few snot-free, back-heaving sobs. Who are then suddenly surrounded by their small woodland friends, all of whom have a vocabulary larger than mine, who comfort them in their weaker moments. 

But “flawless” was the furthest thing from my meltdown today as I found myself sitting in my car, full-on sobs, nose running, eyes dripping and with nothing to wipe my face with other than the sleeve of my woolen-ish sweater (ew) and my hands.  

If you’re like me, you can kind of tell when a mini-meltdown will be happening. Like how weather/science/geologist people predict something will happen within a given timeframe, they’re just not sure exactly when and what will set it off. 

Welp, I am a super-scientist when it comes to my meltdowns. I know they’re gonna happen, but since I'm a fairly even-keeled person, I don’t know what will set them off. Although when the switch is flipped, it’s usually because of something completely unrelated…that “cap on the pickle-jar” scenario. It's usually something ridiculous, like the trash bag not fitting on the lid of the trashcan. And rather than pleasantly giving up and buying different trash bags like a normal, sane person, we stretch that sucker until it breaks and the trash can flips over. 

“Oh my gosh, why are you crying Lindsey??”

“The f*cking trash bag won’t fit on the f*cking trash can and it’s so stupid and I’m just so sick of this shit!!”

It wasn’t a trashcan that set me off today; it was finding zero parking spots in my neighborhood. Like zilch. All the ones I did find were free because of the street cleaning tomorrow, which was exactly why I was moving my car in the first place. After about 20 minutes of zooming around, I finally gave up and angrily jerked my car from drive to reverse from drive to reverse until I was backed into an open spot that was indeed marked for street cleaning tomorrow. And then I burst into tears. 

A few weeks of going from my day job (which I love) to my apartment to do my work (building my health and fitness coaching business), with too little sleep and too much coffee, already had my poor adrenals on high alert. I wasn’t giving myself enough breathing time. 

I love every single thing I am doing; it is a lot of work, but at the same time, it doesn’t feel like it. If I need to stay up until midnight to get my projects done, then so be it! I’m full of passion for what I’m creating and doing. The last few weekends have been great…but filled with work. Again, something I’m totally, 100% willing to do. Another under-lying factor is that I am confident in what I’m doing, but at the same time, I also feel like I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I just keep believing in myself, taking action and feeling so blessed that I have support from amazing people.

But I could feel the breaking point coming where I would need to release the stress and adrenaline. I had hoped that it would be via a sad movie sob session or maybe even through a longer meditation (in my dreams), but no. Blubbering in my car. And then proudly prancing down Broderick Street to my apartment, face mildly streaked with make up and mascara (it was cute. And one more contributing factor to #thesinglelife.)

So, my meltdown wasn’t flawless. It was gushing, full of snot and clearly non-waterproof mascara. At the same time, it was fantastic and much needed. 

But I can tell you what I am flawlessly doing right now is sitting on the floor of my apartment writing this with a spoonful of peanut butter in my mouth (it’s organic with no additives, thank you). This was post-forced-cuddle session with my bird, which, for those of you who know birds, “cuddling” isn’t their forte. He loved it though. I know it.  

Anyways, I’m gonna go make dinner. 

I know, there were no “action steps to make you life healthier and happier” in this post. But I hope this was a story that provided entertainment and a sense that we all have “those kinds of days.” A relatable "fairytale."

Lots of love from the health and fitness coach who still stress-eats peanut butter once in a while. Peace out friends. 

Doing It: The Magic Behind Turning Your Thoughts Into Action

Taking chances. Just doing it. 

This usually requires taking a step outside our comfort zone. 

Buuuut, wouldn't it be easier if we could just tip-toe around what we really want in hopes that we get there anyways without having to take a leap of faith?

Alas, if only things really worked that way. So often we hide behind the safety of "thinking" about doing something, rather than just doing it. 

A good friend of mine sent me an email yesterday and wrote "I decided to stop thinking about doing things, and just start doing them." 

How beautiful is that? 

She was vulnerable enough to set aside whatever limiting mindset had been keeping those things simply as thoughts, and she just started doing. 

Actually doing it...that's the real magic. The things in your mind don't come to fruition by simply dreaming about how great they will be. (Although that would be lovely!) And the excuse of "I'm going to keep thinking about these ideas because I want them to be perfect before I share them" doesn't cut it either (*cough* Me. *cough*).

I was giddy with excitement for her. She took that step from "wouldn't it be great if..." to actually doing it. Huge. I've always believed, especially because I've seen this happen in my own life, when you start "going for it," that mindset becomes a habit. Once you realize that doing those things you are thinking about isn't causing an explosion or post-nasal drip...you keep doing them. It's empowering. Jumping into that next level or committing to that next chapter of your life is exciting! You begin to understand your own power and the power you have to shape your life. It wasn't that hard...you just had to take action and do it. 

Ok, ok, I know, it is easier said than done. So here are some things I've used to get me from thoughts to action. And its worked. 

1. "Whose voice is that?"

When you have a voice in your head that is negative or doubtful, questioning what you want and making you feel bad, know that it is NOT your true inner voice or wisdom. That negative voice is coming from someone or something else. Whenever I get a negative voice I ask, "whose voice is that?" Because that doubtful voice is never your own. It's your parents, family, friends, a societal standard, an article in a magazine, etc. Knowing that voice is not your own helps you disconnect from it and follow your gut more easily. (PS: If that negative voice ever comes back to revisit, even after you've realized it's not your own, greet it with a big hello and say "thank you, but you are not serving my higher purpose." Boom. Roasted.)

2. If you knew no one else in this world, what would you do? 

Ok, weird one, I know. And a little sad. But just roll with me here. Think about it...if you didn't feel like you had any commitments or obligations to anyone/anything else, if you were free from judgement, if you were the only person you had to please...what would you do? The first couple things that pop into your mind are usually what your intuition is telling you to do. They're usually things you want to do, but the little negative voice is holding you back. ...So release that negative voice.  

Always remember: "Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will." There is a difference between "not succeeding" and "failure." Failure is what happens when you don't even try in the first place. Not succeeding is when that thing you tried just didn't work out. And that's ok. You'll never know unless you try. 

Take that chance. DO it. Don't limit yourself to simply thinking about it. You could be thinking about it the rest of your life. So whether it's committing yourself to doing a 5-minute meditation every morning, going a week without coffee (God bless you), moving to a new city, switching careers, or releasing a relationship that is no longer serving you...you can do it. 

When you start doing what is in alignment with your heart and soul, you start bringing even more of your gifts into this world. And they are only gifts that you can give. 

How Ancient Greek Wisdom Can Change Our Lives. (Like, Right Now.)

I never thought I would weave ancient Greek wisdom into my blogging. But alas, I have here for you a powerful story that could teach us a thing or two about the importance of following our own path. 

So, with no further ado: Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!

(Sorry, I had to. And yes I know, Greece vs. Rome, but whatever.)

This story of Greek wisdom comes from someone I met in Denver during the Writer's Workshop weekend. But I didn't meet him at the conference. It was a much more of a chance encounter (although how much of anything is really by "chance"?) that ended up in a conversation and then a spontaneous brunch the morning before I left. He was a kindred sprit, the type of person you feel fortunate to meet.

This was an email I received from him today (he is a writer as well, thus the eloquence of his storytelling). 

There once was this Greek sculptor who went by the name of Polykleitos. Polykleitos was a man obsessed with math. He was a careful observer of the natural world and all of its wondrous forms. In his observations, he noticed something highly peculiar. There was this sort of mathematical proportioning which seemed present in every plant, animal, rock, mountain, shadow, energy, in everything he observed which wasn't man made.

In his quest to create the perfect sculpture of a human figure, he decided that the application of this equation was necessary. But he wanted to make a test of it. He wanted to show his fellow Greeks beyond and reasonable doubt that his discovery regarding proportion was valid. So Polykleitos made two statues. One, he applied his formula of proportioning to, and for the other he relied on the views of the average Greek citizen. By which I mean he literally opened up the doors of his work shop to Greece herself. Any one who wanted to could simply walk into his shop and tell him, "Make the arms longer." or "I think this shoulder should be higher." "The eyes should be further apart." Any change he was asked to make, he made without question.  

When he was finished he unveiled both statues to the public. While both were beautiful, no doubt, but there was clearly one which stood out as being vastly superior. All of his countryman agreed, and Ploykleitos himself beamed with pride. With a sly smile he told them, "This is the statue which I have created. That abomination you see there, was what you created."

Polykleitos changed forever the way the Greek people thought, created, and looked at art. Indeed, the ripples of his ideals are still felt to this day when we look at artistic proportioning. 

Now, the reason I am sending you this story was because I was having this conversation with a co-worker today and he was giving me all of this advice on what I should be doing with my life. I started thinking about it...doesn't everyone seem to have an opinion on what you SHOULD be doing with your life? Don't you find at just about every turn you are meeting people who want to steer you in this direction or that? I started thinking about these things as I was driving and then I remembered the story of Polykleitos. I remembered the profound effect he had on the world around him by following his own path. By believing in himself and by paving his own road. 

Wow.

Pretty snazzy, huh?

I always go to friends and family (and, let's be real, my daily/weekly/monthly/singles horoscope online) when I need opinions, thoughts and advice. I take their ideas with gratitude and respect, and weigh them in with my "gut" decision. And sometimes I even come to the right conclusion by simply talking through my situation with them.

Always feel empowered to seek advice and wisdom from others, especially those you respect. Being an independent, trail-blazing lone wolf at all times can be a burden! But use their words of advice as a part of your decision making process, not the sole reliable source. Because no one knows you better than YOU.

It's easy to fall into the habit of doing what others think you should do. It is much less scary and overwhelming to follow along with what friends/family/society expects you to do, rather than follow your own (sometimes scary-as-hell) dreams and gut feelings. But...it's your life. Not theirs. You were given your own voice for a reason; let it be heard!

So remember my dear Romans, like Polykleitos, you have the power and permission to trust your instincts. Because you never know the profound effect you will have on the world by believing in yourself and paving your own road. 

Small Acts of Kindness: How My Coffee Habit Made Me Feel At Home

Life is all about human connection. Well, mostly. And not "let-me-comment-on-your-Instagram-post" kind of connection. Like real, face-to-face, human connection.

Here’s a fun little anecdote about how my Starbucks Coffee habit addiction made me feel more at home.

I moved to Napa at the end of February, not knowing anyone, anything…just an empty apartment and me. I was fortunate enough to be in a work environment that made me feel like I had a family and life in Napa by the end of my first month here. But I was still obviously adjusting and getting to know the area. I felt like I had friends, but the idea of community was still taking form.

There was a Starbucks right down the road from me in a little shopping center. It was a 10 minute walk or a two minute drive, easy to get to before or after work, post-gym…basically what I’m trying to say is I went there often. Near the end of March, I walked in one day before work and the barista gave me my coffee for free. Surprised, I thanked him, smiled and walked out feeling grateful and happy. (Small things in life, right?)

Anyways, it happened again. And again. And again. He eventually introduced himself and his friend/co-worker. Almost every time I came in during the afternoons, he and his friend were working. And almost 100% of the time I would walk away with a free iced coffee or pay $.50 for it. 

I didn’t quite know what I had done to deserve it, but I was thankful and grateful nonetheless. Most of the time I left a tip (it was almost getting embarrassing and awkward at this point) because I didn’t feel comfortable walking away with a free coffee every time. As time went on, I got to know the two baristas and they got to know me, at least in a quick, happy conversation sense. The free coffees continued and I knew I needed to do something to “repay” them.

I looked forward to the days I went into the store…and it wasn't because of the free coffee. It was a place outside of work where I was recognized and there was always some positive engagement with the baristas.

Obviously getting them a Starbucks gift card was out of the picture. I hesitated in getting a bottle of wine. And as much as I would’ve liked to have baked them something, unfortunately that’s a little sketch nowadays (I mean, imagine the shit people could put in there?!) So I settled for some of my favorite snacks and chocolates from Trader Joe’s ( << always a good idea) and a hand-written note. The letter thanked them sincerely for their generosity and for helping instill a sense of community in me where I didn't have it before.

I dropped off the snacks and note with the main barista the other day when I was on my way to work. I was happy to finally “repay” them in a sense. When I came in this afternoon, the guy at the register greeted me and asked what I would like to drink. Half-way through my order he stopped me and said,

“Wait, you’re Lindsey, right? You’re the one that wrote that note!”

“Haha, yeah, that was me.”

“That was so sweet of you! We hung it up in the back there.”

Another girl popped her head around and said, “Oh, wait! Is that ‘Lindsey’? Oh my gosh, your note was so sweet! We loved it, thank you!”

I was a little red by now, but happy nonetheless.

At that moment, one of the two main baristas who had been part of the give-Lindsey-free-coffee campaign, came around the counter and gave me a heart-felt and sincere hug, thanking me for the note. I thanked him in turn and reiterated how much it meant to me to come in here.

I smiled like a goon while waiting for my coffee (which I paid for, THANK GOD) thanked them again and walked outside to where I sat and started writing this post.

I feel so happy. It doesn’t matter how long I live in Napa, I will always remember this afternoon. The connection, energy and kindness felt between people who are basically strangers. It goes to show that small, simple acts of kindness can make a difference to anyone. Those free coffees and snippets of conversation I had with the baristas made Napa feel more like a home to me. My very small form of re-payment meant a lot to the people there.

It’s moments like this that I am thankful for. I wasn’t hit over the head and knocked silly by some major life lesson, but I feel the same sort of shift and gratitude that comes from learning one of those life lessons.

Small acts of kindness my friends. Never underestimate that power.

This Week In Happiness

My internet navigation skills have brought me to these articles/sites/pictures/quotes/thoughts...enjoy and HAPPY TUESDAY!! ( << Because why not celebrate today like it's special?)

Elite Daily: Discovering Your Entrepreneurial Spirit: Why All Millennials Should Try To Take Their Ideas To The Next Level. Not only did I agree with and relate to almost 100% of this article, but it made me feel better about writing long-ass titles and capitalizing "the" in those said titles. (#itsthesmallthingsinlife)

Find Your Spirit Animal: I got on the subject of Spirit Animals while having dinner with a friend last night. Pretty cool. Check out the quiz here.

Thought of the Day: Everything serves a purpose and happens for a reason. Keep going.

Health: Why coconut water (well, coconut anything in my opinion) is bomb. And of course, Trader Joe's is aiding my obsession of coconut water/oil/milk/roasted chips (FML they're good).

Inspiration: Shine from the inside out <3

Mind: Pick three to five words to describe how you want to feel in your life. For example, my words are, "light, vibrant, free, energetic, balanced." Now list three to five things you can do today to feel that way. And what actions can you take this week to feel that way? Strive to pursue your goals through how you want to feel in your life. Solid, materialistic, I-can-actually-touch it, goals are practical and necessary, but when it comes to the bigger picture of life and happiness, following those "core desired feelings" will really take you to the places you want to go. When I follow my core desired feelings (or try to at least!) I find I have a greater sense of happiness, abundance and peace in my life, no matter what ups or downs I may be going through.