Doubt vs. Faith

Just Because...

Small Acts of Kindness: How My Coffee Habit Made Me Feel At Home

Life is all about human connection. Well, mostly. And not "let-me-comment-on-your-Instagram-post" kind of connection. Like real, face-to-face, human connection.

Here’s a fun little anecdote about how my Starbucks Coffee habit addiction made me feel more at home.

I moved to Napa at the end of February, not knowing anyone, anything…just an empty apartment and me. I was fortunate enough to be in a work environment that made me feel like I had a family and life in Napa by the end of my first month here. But I was still obviously adjusting and getting to know the area. I felt like I had friends, but the idea of community was still taking form.

There was a Starbucks right down the road from me in a little shopping center. It was a 10 minute walk or a two minute drive, easy to get to before or after work, post-gym…basically what I’m trying to say is I went there often. Near the end of March, I walked in one day before work and the barista gave me my coffee for free. Surprised, I thanked him, smiled and walked out feeling grateful and happy. (Small things in life, right?)

Anyways, it happened again. And again. And again. He eventually introduced himself and his friend/co-worker. Almost every time I came in during the afternoons, he and his friend were working. And almost 100% of the time I would walk away with a free iced coffee or pay $.50 for it. 

I didn’t quite know what I had done to deserve it, but I was thankful and grateful nonetheless. Most of the time I left a tip (it was almost getting embarrassing and awkward at this point) because I didn’t feel comfortable walking away with a free coffee every time. As time went on, I got to know the two baristas and they got to know me, at least in a quick, happy conversation sense. The free coffees continued and I knew I needed to do something to “repay” them.

I looked forward to the days I went into the store…and it wasn't because of the free coffee. It was a place outside of work where I was recognized and there was always some positive engagement with the baristas.

Obviously getting them a Starbucks gift card was out of the picture. I hesitated in getting a bottle of wine. And as much as I would’ve liked to have baked them something, unfortunately that’s a little sketch nowadays (I mean, imagine the shit people could put in there?!) So I settled for some of my favorite snacks and chocolates from Trader Joe’s ( << always a good idea) and a hand-written note. The letter thanked them sincerely for their generosity and for helping instill a sense of community in me where I didn't have it before.

I dropped off the snacks and note with the main barista the other day when I was on my way to work. I was happy to finally “repay” them in a sense. When I came in this afternoon, the guy at the register greeted me and asked what I would like to drink. Half-way through my order he stopped me and said,

“Wait, you’re Lindsey, right? You’re the one that wrote that note!”

“Haha, yeah, that was me.”

“That was so sweet of you! We hung it up in the back there.”

Another girl popped her head around and said, “Oh, wait! Is that ‘Lindsey’? Oh my gosh, your note was so sweet! We loved it, thank you!”

I was a little red by now, but happy nonetheless.

At that moment, one of the two main baristas who had been part of the give-Lindsey-free-coffee campaign, came around the counter and gave me a heart-felt and sincere hug, thanking me for the note. I thanked him in turn and reiterated how much it meant to me to come in here.

I smiled like a goon while waiting for my coffee (which I paid for, THANK GOD) thanked them again and walked outside to where I sat and started writing this post.

I feel so happy. It doesn’t matter how long I live in Napa, I will always remember this afternoon. The connection, energy and kindness felt between people who are basically strangers. It goes to show that small, simple acts of kindness can make a difference to anyone. Those free coffees and snippets of conversation I had with the baristas made Napa feel more like a home to me. My very small form of re-payment meant a lot to the people there.

It’s moments like this that I am thankful for. I wasn’t hit over the head and knocked silly by some major life lesson, but I feel the same sort of shift and gratitude that comes from learning one of those life lessons.

Small acts of kindness my friends. Never underestimate that power.

This Week In Happiness

My internet navigation skills have brought me to these articles/sites/pictures/quotes/thoughts...enjoy and HAPPY TUESDAY!! ( << Because why not celebrate today like it's special?)

Elite Daily: Discovering Your Entrepreneurial Spirit: Why All Millennials Should Try To Take Their Ideas To The Next Level. Not only did I agree with and relate to almost 100% of this article, but it made me feel better about writing long-ass titles and capitalizing "the" in those said titles. (#itsthesmallthingsinlife)

Find Your Spirit Animal: I got on the subject of Spirit Animals while having dinner with a friend last night. Pretty cool. Check out the quiz here.

Thought of the Day: Everything serves a purpose and happens for a reason. Keep going.

Health: Why coconut water (well, coconut anything in my opinion) is bomb. And of course, Trader Joe's is aiding my obsession of coconut water/oil/milk/roasted chips (FML they're good).

Inspiration: Shine from the inside out <3

Mind: Pick three to five words to describe how you want to feel in your life. For example, my words are, "light, vibrant, free, energetic, balanced." Now list three to five things you can do today to feel that way. And what actions can you take this week to feel that way? Strive to pursue your goals through how you want to feel in your life. Solid, materialistic, I-can-actually-touch it, goals are practical and necessary, but when it comes to the bigger picture of life and happiness, following those "core desired feelings" will really take you to the places you want to go. When I follow my core desired feelings (or try to at least!) I find I have a greater sense of happiness, abundance and peace in my life, no matter what ups or downs I may be going through.

The Best Piece of Advice (ever): “Pursue Everything”

The other night I struggled to fall asleep. Mindless complications in my personal life (i.e. boys/friends/work/writing/work opportunities/pet unicorns) left my brain buzzing and my eyes wide open.

None of it was necessarily bad, it just felt like I had my thoughts and emotions scattered down about 30 different paths. Different scenarios, different ideas, different thoughts, different feelings. Getting caught up in the dizzying, yet so addicting, habit of running “future scenarios” in my head. If I focused on this in my life…If I became closer to this person…If I pursued this interest and passion of mine…should I go to the gym tomorrow…why is Simon Baker married…this is what I’m going to say to this person if this happens…Lindsey. Yes? Shut up. Ok…. It. went. on. and. on.

Finally, I was beginning to drift off to sleep, managing to find comfort in the most awkward and ridiculous sleeping position ever (I mean, it was like I was doing a pirouette move in my sleep), but then…

Ding Ding. 

My phone alerted me of a new text message. It was midnight and I had to get up early the next morning. Thank God I live alone because some version of this came out of my mouth:

“WHO THE FUCK JUST TEXTED ME.”

I looked at my phone and saw a short message from a person and situation that I assumed had already had a natural ending… It was sweet, but it began a whole new wave of thoughts, questions and “what ifs” in my mind. And now my thoughts were going in 50 directions instead.

Everything became a cluster monkey in my brain and I literally started laughing out loud (again, grateful I live alone) because of the drama that I felt was surrounding my existence at that moment. (A dramatic, ego-centric thought in itself, I’m sure, but still.)

Per usual, I emailed my mom for her advice. Updating her on the different situations, problems, etc. I was essentially asking her “WTF should I do about this situation, this person, that whole thing… Mom, all I really want right now is to be paid to write and do theatre and find a way to marry Simon Baker.” (<< actual quote from my email, I kid you not.)

I sent a text back. And once the email was sent to my mother as well, my mind still continued to run its course. But like my physical body, after about one mile of “running” it began to sputter, slow down, collapse, face plant and fall asleep.

I woke up the next morning, unsure of why I felt so groggy (and, let’s face it, unsure of why the hell my alarm was going off). Then I remembered my hamster in its wheel act from the night before and I became sort of bug-eyed remembering everything that happened.

I checked my email, hoping the iPhone screen would semi wake me up. I smiled at my “Note from the Universe” and then clicked on the email my mother had sent back (thank God) with what was sure to be solid advice in what path to take, what situation/person to release from my life, what to move forward with, etc…

But her email started like this:

“Pursue everything!” 

WAT.

“Pursue everything!”

LOL. Wat.

She went on with a list of all that I should pursue…every situation, person, job idea, scenario and dream that I had asked her about the night before….I should pursue everything. Although thinking back, she never specifically said anything about the Simon Baker situation. Hmm.

Anyways, it hadn’t even occurred to me to simply “pursue everything.” I’m Lindsey and my life thrives on structure, routine and fairly solid understanding of which direction I am going.

I expected an answer that would help clarify what I should pursue, which path to take and what to release in my life. In other words, I was expecting advice that would ultimately lead to limitations, boundaries and closed opportunities.

But…why would I do that? I have no idea what will happen in the future and since none of these things on my mind were necessarily toxic to my daily and personal life, why shouldn’t I pursue each direction? Those that are meant to stay and/or teach a lesson will stick around and those that are not meant to be in my life will have a natural, organic ending.

“Pursue everything.”

What an awesome piece of effing advice.

So, I encourage you…rather than try to puzzle out your life, whether it’s with relationships, friendships, career opportunities, hobbies and passions, and restrict yourself to one path in particular, try it all. As long as something isn’t toxic, weighing heavy on your heart or bringing you or your dreams down, PURSUE IT. Putting your brain in over-drive imagining and thinking of future outcomes of different situations/people/opportunities in your life is exhausting and, in my case, causes sleep deprivation.

Release that notion that there is only one “right” answer or path to pursue. Try it all. Test all the waters. Give it all a shot. Why not? If someone or something is meant to be, the Universe will figure it out for you, not your logical brain (as lovely as its intentions are sometimes). Opening up to multiple opportunities, rather than limiting yourself to one or a few, will let so much more positive energy and opportunity flow into your life.

And with that all said and done, I’m going to finish my wine and head to bed. Mind free and clear from worrying about which path I should pursue. Because right now, I’m tryin’ it all.

A Beautiful Day, A Beautiful Mindset

The 5 Websites I'm Obsessed With

Here are my top five  favorite websites and blogs:

MindBodyGreen: "MindBodyGreen is a conversation about health, and we hope to give you the tools and information to make your life better and to inspire you to keep doing the awesome things that you're already doing "  I love this site because the articles are informative, spiritual, funny and easy to understand.

Astrostyle: IMHO, the best Astrology guide out there :)

Elite Daily: "The Voice of Generation Y" Time and time again, I find myself clicking on their articles, reading them, and then clicking on another one in the "related stories" sidebar. I kinda have a crush on this website. Like, I really want to write for them. Their articles range from humorous and spot-on about the quirks of our generation to thoughtful or heart-wrenching topics. LOVE THEM.

Greatist: "Bet you've never met a health site like this." Basically, yes. I've actually laughed out loud while reading their articles. They're my first "go-to" when researching a nutrition topic. Excellent source for down-to-earth health information and a-ma-zing recipes.

TUT.com/Notes from the Universe: Stop reading my blog (I know, it will be tough. LOLZ) and sign up for Notes from the Universe. You'll get inspirational/hilarious/wonderful/encouraging emails from "The Universe" when you wake up every morning...best part of my Monday-Friday. If you ever get a chance to hear Mike Dooley speak, do it do it do it.

Enjoy!!

Break Free From Resentment and Follow Your Dreams

Resentment lingers. Resentment gets under our skin. Resentment makes us feel stuck. Resentment is that residual shit that can stick around waaaayyy too long if we're not careful. Resentment is a normal, natural human feeling. We all have it. I've certainly felt it before!

But the most important thing to do when dealing with resentment is identify it, work through it and release it. The more we hold on to resentment, the bigger and deeper it grows. It becomes a burden and makes it harder for us to reach our true potential...in our careers, relationships, happiness, love.

Who wants to deal with any of that? "Not I," said the Little Red Hen. (<< I'm a dork.)

Anyways, it occurred to me the other day that there are two forms of resentment. Yes, two.

Resentment #1: Resentment toward the thing/person/job/object that is keeping you from following your heart and doing what your intuition is telling (read: YELLING) at you to do. Basically, Resentment #1 is the external object/person to whom your resentment is directed.

Resentment #2: Resentment toward yourself. Yes, your own self. Not many people think about this one. But by not trusting and following your intuition, you are not honoring yourself or your feelings. You are not honoring what your heart is telling you and instead, you are pushing that invaluable inner-voice away. By doing so, you are telling your mind and body that you don’t respect and honor what it has to say. This creates a quieter, but certainly deeper, form of resentment. One that usually crops up via emotional outbursts, negativity, lack of self-care and self-love and dis-ease…

Logically and “on-paper” following your dreams and gut feelings can sometimes be irrational and seemingly unachievable. Or you feel like you’ve made a commitment to someone/something and you can’t get away from it. You’ll feel too guilty if you "quit,” even though your body and mind is aching for you to follow a different path... Honor those feelings of commitment and thank them for being there. But then remind yourself that the one-and-only true commitment you have is to yourself, your happiness and your life.  This is YOUR life. Not your parent’s, not your boss’s, not your friend’s, not society’s. YOURS. Listen to those voices inside you. And when you try to beat your inner voice down with logic, ask yourself, “Whose voice is this?” Most of the time, I’ll guarantee, it’s not yours. Is it your parents’? Your friends? Mr/Mrs. Social Norm?

If you’re not honoring your feelings and your life’s calling, you’re not honoring yourself. If you want to be the best you can be, make the biggest difference in this world, be the person shining and giving light to others…you have to have that shining light coming from within yourself first. You have to be (truly) happy and fulfilled (or on your way to be) before you can make others happy. End of story.

For example, if you got your degree in Engineering, are working at a firm and it's not bringing your joy, but have always had a passion for baking and a dream to own your own bakery…do something about it. Start listening to those inner voices and intuition, start journaling and finding exactly what it is that you want. Then start making a financial plan, or something more on the “logical” side, to make it happen. Will your family/friends/significant other/etc. think you’re crazy and irresponsible? Maybe. Maybe not. If they are trying to hold you back, it’s usually because you’re mirroring back to them what they never had the guts to do: follow their dreams. Remember, no matter how tough and confusing the journey may be and how unsupported and alone you may feel at certain points, you will ALWAYS find the strength and support you need within yourself (and the Universe, but I don't want to sound too airy-fairy.) Things seem to click when you tune into your body's voice and purpose.

Your family and friends will come around, especially when they see how happy and successful you truly are because you followed your gut. They always do. And besides, you’ll make a lot of new, like-minded friends at that bakery you’re interning at ;)

I understand there are a million more factors going into "following your dreams" and making changes in your life to reflect that...responsibility to your family, your financial situation, etc., but even baby steps toward your dream and releasing that resentment will do wonders for your happiness.

When my mind and intuition are having a smack-down, here's what I tend to journal about:

1.  How do I want to feel? Which path and/or opportunity makes me feel that way?
2.  What are the pros and cons of each situation, path or opportunity?
3. If you had no attachments to anyone or anything in this world, if there was no one to judge you, give you an opinion or approve/disapprove of your decision, what would you choose to do?  (I know, I know, crappy scenario, but this question REALLY hit-home with me when I was going through some major decision making in my life. The question was basically asking, What Would Lindsey Do? There were no other voices in my head, except my own.)

It may take some time to release resentment, but the first and most positive step you can take is identifying it and understanding why it's there and where it came from. Then figure out ways that you can release this resentment. You'll feel freer, lighter, happier and more in-tune with your path than ever before.

Relationships: Why You Need to Fulfill Your Life First

OK, #realtalk guys and gals. Relationships.

Let’s cut to the chase...

You’ve got to be a whole, complete and happy person from the inside out before you should responsibly get into a relationship. You shouldn't have to depend on a relationship or a person to make you happy and fulfill your life. Your life should already be full and fulfilled with your own joys, happiness and activities, and a relationship should be a wonderful addition to all of that.

If you enter a relationship with the idea of the significant other filling a void in your life and being the “thing” that will make you happy: RED FLAG. You’re setting yourself up to become dependent on the other person, dependent on their happiness and dependent on their opinion of you to make you happy. That won't work. You have to fill your “life-cup” up to the brim with your own strength and happiness and then have the relationship as the thing that maketh your cup overfloweth. (Or whatever the hell that saying is.)

Make your own field of flowers, filled with ponies and unicorns dancing with fairies...and then think of a relationship. The funny thing is, when you’re so fulfilled and confident with your own life as it is, you aren't busy thinking about relationships and love until it endearingly smacks you in the face. You weren’t searching for it, but there it is. What a happy little surprise.

So, work and focus on YOU. Enjoy your life, create your dreams, pursue your passions and fill any voids you feel from the inside out. That way, when a relationship comes along, it  doesn’t have any room to sneak under your skin or fill up any of those voids. Because when a relationship is used to fill a void in your life, the second that relationship gets toxic, or should I say, the second you realize that relationship is toxic, it’s a hell of a lot harder to break free from it.

This may be a disgusting image comparison, but I see a relationship filling a void in your life like dirt and grime fills up your pores in your face. You have to wash, exfoliate, French clay, honey mask the shit out of it in order to get it gone. But if your skin was healthy and supple to begin with, dat grime would have a lot harder of a time sneaking in. (I know I know, who has perfect skin like that? Not many people, but you get what I’m trying to say.)

So ladies and gents, YOU need to fulfill your life before anyone else can. Okey dokey?

Now, go write three things that you like about yourself and three things that YOU love, want to do and create in your life...and then go start doing it.  (:

Truth #1

I’ve officially at the age where if I’m checking out a guy, part of that routine includes looking at his ring finger. FML. #imgettingold

3 Powerful Journaling Exercises

1. The Morning Pages

The Morning Pages "are a stream of consciousness written in a journal first thing in the morning." When we first wake up we aren't fully, 100% conscious and a lot of our filters our down. This gives us easier access to our inner, deeper feelings and emotions. So for 10 minutes, or aim for 2 solid pages of writing, write your heart out. Doesn't matter what you write about. Write A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Whatever crosses your mind. Nothing is too trivial, insignificant, bad or weird to write down. No need to censor, as you will be the only one reading it. You can also do this "stream of consciousness" writing anytime of the day if mornings don't work out for you.

Even if you feel like you have nothing to write, start with exactly that. I've started my Morning Pages with: "I hate this. It's so stupid. I'm exhausted, tired and I don't feel like writing. My hand doesn't even work right now. What the fuck. I don't know what to write. I feel so frustrated all the time because ___________" .... and then I'm off in a very therapeutic dimension. Five pages later I feel a lot lighter, usually have pinpointed the root cause of my distress and I'm off and running for the day.

2. Journaling prompts to help you cultivate a more positive mindset:

• Five things you are grateful for and why
• Five things you accomplished today
• What are you proud of?
• I feel my best when _____________.
• What makes me the unique/sexy/awesome person that I am?
• What makes me feel light, free, open and spontaneous?

3. Journaling prompts to hone-in on your goals, desires and what you really want to do:

• If I had no other voices in my head influencing what I do and the decisions I make, what would I do? Where would I go? What would I try? What is it that I really want?
• How do I want to feel in life?
• What actions steps, changes and activities can I engage in to make myself feel this way?
• How will I feel by accomplishing my dreams and goals?
• How and why will I be successful in these endeavors?
• Write your intention (I will....I intend to....I desire....)

Happy writing!